WHAT TO DO IN (AND OUT OF) BED TO PROLONG THE PLEASURE.
According
to Dr. Harry
Fisch, author of the The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education
for Grownups, an astonishing 45 percent of men climax in two minutes
or less when they’re having sex. Combine that with the fact that most
women need more than 15 minutes of sexual stimulation to achieve orgasm, and
you’re looking at a seriously inconvenient truth.
Luckily,
there are a number of things you can do to exert control over your sexual
response and stand a better chance of regularly experiencing an orgasm at
around the same time of day as your partner—and none of these tips involve
daydreaming about baseball. Bonus: if you really want to boost your sexual
prowess, try out the yoga moves that are guaranteed to make you a better lay.
1-Don’t skimp on cardio.
Improving
your overall body wellness can have a big effect on your penis and all the fun
things it can do. Cardio exercise such as aerobics, swimming, running, or
jogging can strengthen your lungs and increase their capacity. Being fitter
will enable you to control your breathing well during sexual intercourse and
lower the chances of ejaculating prematurely.
But cardio
will also boost your metabolism, improving circulation to your heart, lungs,
and—most importantly—your penis. Working out has also been shown to stimulate
the release of endorphins, which can help you release tension, stay calm and
enjoy sexual contact, lowering the chances of shooting your bolt in a hurry.
For extra motivation, here are the 10 Best Cardio Workouts for Men Over 40.
2-Lose the same-old plot.
Dr. Jane Greer,
relationship expert and family therapist, says that experimenting with new
positions and sensations can often help men last longer in bed. Her reasoning
is positively Pavlovian: Greer maintains that when you’ve been with the same
partner for some time, routine sex positions can make your body anticipate
climax and bring on the finale. Doing things in a different order may help
delay it. “The more awkward and unfamiliar, the better,” says Greer. For ideas
on how to switch things up, check out the 60 Sex Positions Guaranteed to Enhance Your Love Life.
3-Find your edge.
Ever heard
of “edging?” It means building up to what’s called “ejaculatory
inevitability”—the orgasmic point of no return—then standing down for a minute
or so before restarting the action. You probably already know what the point of
no return feels like. The key thing is to know what the moment just
before that feels like. When you feel that feeling while
having sex, stop doing whatever’s drawing you closer to that point. Do
something that doesn’t involve your penis, such as orally or stimulating your
partner—provided that’s not a trigger for you. Eventually build up to at least
twenty minutes of stop-start action to give your partner a chance of having an
orgasm before or at the same time as you do. When you get comfortable with
knowing where your tipping point is, you can cruise along in that zone without
the time-outs. There’s also an added bonus of edging for you: Delaying your
climax will make your orgasm all that more powerful. For more on that, learn
the 11 Secrets For A Harder Erection and a Mind-Blowing
Orgasm.
4- Do your kegels.
Don’t laugh.
The best method for strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle) to help
control ejaculation is to perform what are commonly known as kegel exercises.
The easiest way for you to find this muscle is to stop the flow of pee when you
use the bathroom. You’re using the PC muscle to do that! To do kegels, quickly
clench and release the PC muscle repeatedly for ten seconds. Do three sets,
with a ten-second break between sets. Once you’re into a good routine, you can
start busting out your new skill while having sex. Contract your PC muscle when
you’re close to orgasm, and you ought to be able to put a lid on things until you
(and she) are ready.
5-Intercourse doesn’t have to be the main course.
Foreplay.
The name we give to every other time of sexual play besides intercourse is
frankly a misnomer. Kissing, massage, frottage, manual, and oral stimulation
doesn’t have to go before anything. Returning
to outercourse—a less misleading name for non-penetrative sex play—is both a
good way to make sex less scripted and slow the action down. But that’s not
all. About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone,
so chunking up your sessions with activities that are more likely to drive her
wild is a proven way to increase her chances of drifting off to sleep with a
smile on her face.
6-Take advantage of the refractory period.
A man’s
refractory period is the length of time between when he ejaculates and his
ability to achieve and maintain another erection. Studies have shown that
18-year-old males have a refractory period of about 15 minutes, while those in
their 70s take about 20 hours. (The average for
all men in general about half an hour.) This intermission is a great
opportunity for a man with a snoozing cuke to turn his attention to pleasing
his partner. His returning erection doesn’t just mean the possibility of a
second round but, because many men experience less sensitivity during an encore
performance, the intercourse is likely to last longer.
7 Employ the squeeze method.
Perhaps
you’ve stumbled upon a Showtime drama called Masters of Sex. It depicts the
lives and work of Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson: A
two-person research team who explored the nature of human sexual response and
the diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunctions and disorders from 1957
until the 1990s. Part of their legacy was their prescribing of the squeeze
technique to delay ejaculation and prolong the length of sexual intercourse.
They told women to place the thumb, index, and middle fingers around the tip of
his penis, and squeeze immediately before a man was reaching ejaculatory
inevitability and keep squeezing until that feeling had subsided and his body
relaxed before slowly release the pressure. Give it a try. While a man will
lose some or most of his erection, he should be able to recover it quickly and
start again.
8 Use condoms.
When used
correctly, condoms are an effective way of reducing your chances of conceiving
a child and contracting a number of sexually transmitted infections. They are
also pretty good at reducing sensation meaning that slipping one on—even if
contracting an STI or making a baby is not a concern—could be a great way to
make sex last longer. If you’re in the market for a thicker condom to decrease
sensation, try Lifestyles Extra Strength.
9 Masturbate before sex.
For some
men, masturbating to completion an hour or two before sex can make the main
event last longer. Indeed, this sex-lengthening technique was explored in the
movie Something
About Mary though in that depiction, Ben Stiller’scharacter’s
pre-gaming had only comical results.
10 Take breaks.
Provided you
don’t have any pressing appointments, taking breaks during your session is a
simple and effective way to slow down sex, savor the moment, and increase your
mutual satisfaction. When things feels as though they are reaching a conclusion
prematurely, stop and do something that buys time. Return to kissing, cuddling,
massage, sensation play—or, better yet, transmute the fire in your loins into
doing something that your partner goes wild for.
11 Medicate.
Sildenafil
(known by most by the brand name, Viagra) is intended to help men with erectile
dysfunction achieve and maintain erections and, for a lot of ED sufferers,
that’s precisely what it does. But studies have shown that sildenafil does more
than put lead in one’s pencil. A 2007 study showed that sildenafil is a very
effective and safe to treat premature ejaculation, while research published in
early 2000 found that sildenafil shortened the refractory period by an average
of 11 minutes men who are around 32 years old. Stateside, sildenafil remains
prescription-only, but across the pond, U.K. drug regulators have approved the
over-the-counter sale of Viagra starting in 2018.
12 Incorporate more eye contact.
Making eye
contact with your partner is a way of getting realtime sexual feedback and can
be employed as a synchronizing signal. It’s also a gesture of respect,
understanding, and interest, so more of it is highly likely to make sex not
just longer but better for you and your partner. Take some
moments to intentionally lock eyes and hold that mutual gaze or sexier
engagement. At the very least, this eye contact will add some time to your
routine. But you may also find that it helps you to connect with your partner
in a more meaningful way.
13 Talk to your partner.
If sex seems
to be shorter that you and your partner like, talk about it. You could start
off by voicing your intention. Something like: “I love the sex we have so much
and I want it to last longer.” You could also present the situation as a
compliment: “I get so turned on when we’re in bed together that it’s difficult
not to lose control.” You may find that voicing the issue—rather than avoiding
or ignoring it—may have an immediate effect the next time you have at it. From
there, you can enlist your partner’s help in helping sex last longer by talking
about incorporating the items listed above. “Tonight, I’d really like to make
more eye contact/take breaks/try the squeeze method/emphasize outercourse, et
cetera.”
14 Talk to a professional.
If you try
all of items above and sex still doesn’t last as long and you and your partner
would like, it might be time to consult a therapist as an individual or as a
couple. Many sexual dysfunctions are rooted in psychology rather than
physiology, and this is particularly true of premature ejaculation. A 2013
study published in Japanese Psychological Research looked
at 15 PE sufferers who underwent eight to twelve sessions of therapy and found
that the changes that took place were “statistically significant with a
tendency towards improvement.”
15 Get comfortably numb.
The methods
above should markedly improve your sexual stamina over time. But the nuclear
option is to use a product designed to temporarily desensitize your penis.
Durex, Trojan, and Lifestyles all offer condoms that contain between 4 and 5
percent benzocaine, a numbing agent that will reduce your johnson’s sensitivity
and, ideally, enable you to slow down the clock during your next session. If
condoms aren’t part of your routine, you can desensitize your penis by using a
numbing spray. Dr. Ian Kerner, author of She
Comes First, recommends Promescent. “You spray it once or twice on
the head of the penis, and it absorbs really well, so a woman isn’t going to
experience residual numbing,” he says.
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